I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
