Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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