..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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