Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
