I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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