he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
