I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
