Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
