your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just threw up on my dentist
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
