its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
