yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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