So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
