at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
