I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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