I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
