You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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