my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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