i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
