A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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