Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
