Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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