I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
