did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
