I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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