i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
