the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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