guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
