I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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