I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
