My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
