Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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