i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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