Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
