ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
