You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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