We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Randomize
