so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
