New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
