i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
