T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
