We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
