i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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