he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sober January is a disaster.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
