Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
