I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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