hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
