Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
