You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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