I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
