im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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