Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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