Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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